BODY IMAGE

I haven't blogging for the longest time, and I know that somehow I feel better when I do, because is a thing I am doing for myself and not because I feel I have to… I am not going to say I am blogging every day neither I am going to post more often, cause I don't know.

June has been a bit rough for me… I had had many bad days, and I know what my main problem is: Body Image

  

Cambria from Breelovesbeauty on Youtube, inspired me to write this post. Since I found her channel she has been always been an inspiration, and lately she posted a video on her vlog channel, Breelovesvlogs, talking about this topic.

I have never had what we could call a "positive body image" I think it started less as a body image but it moves towards it. I haven't ever been a popular girl, I was always the friend who followed others. I was friends with we could actually call the popular girls, but I was never noticed. Sometimes, when I think about it, I feel those girls I called friends didn't even noticed me either. I didn't fit with the standard of my generation; deep inside I have always had a part of me, which was a freak. On my senior year of high school I became that, a freak: made new friends which were freaks, and start doing more things I liked. I didn't fit in either.

 

I centered my inability to fit in with my size, cause I have always been a chubby kid, cause I have always love food. I start dieting at 13, I mean I did diets which made me loose weight and then gained back when I went back to my regular eating habits. At the age of 15 I was a little overweight, my BMI was a little over 25. And let's be real, I didn't feel good when the doctor told me; I didn't feel good looking at the mirror.

From January 2013 to July 2013 I lost about 9 Kg. I was living in a very lonely zone in a new country, it was temporal still I didn't have much left to do, I felt really badly, I was depressed and I focused on my body. I lost that amount of weight mainly by eating poorly.

I have gain weight mainly because I fall into binge eating, which is normal after a restrictive diet. I am trying to healthily hopefully lose that weight.

Even if I don't I will have good days and still bad days. I no longer try to fit in because I am, and I know that now at the age of 22, part a girly girl part nerdy girl. I am shy, but talkative, once I get confident. I like to party sometimes, but it isn't what I mainly like to do. I like to watch TV series, I like to read, I also like to do physical activity, not forgetting watching Youtube videos, crafting, drawing, etc. All this activities doesn't really involve interaction with people, but it isn't that I don't like to be surrounded by people is that I haven't found real friends, the ones who I can be myself around all the time… It has taken me years to realize that. And It is sad because I don't think I actually have real friends, but now I have found someone special and It have actually made me realize I am beautiful and that the physical appearance is important but everyone deserve to be love as they are.